


Perfect Places

by fromyesteryear



Category: Music - Fandom, mgrog, the1975 - Fandom
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Gay For You, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-20 02:30:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14885930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromyesteryear/pseuds/fromyesteryear
Summary: Matty fucks up, essentially, and has a moment of unbroken introspectionas gay as i am btw xx





	Perfect Places

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fuckg0th](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckg0th/gifts).



> posted on: 21/5/18
> 
> rating: mature
> 
> warnings: a bit depressing i suppose 
> 
> summary: matty fucks up, essentially, and has a moment of unbroken introspection
> 
> words: about 1000
> 
> enjoy!!

matty had almost forgotten the feeling. almost. not quite - but very nearly so. it was a feeling that made itself presentable not in the waking hours of the day, not when light could be shed upon it, but at dusk. when the clouds swirled; speaking in colour and coming across as anything but coherent. 

legs were crossed on the bridge; scarred hands rested heavily on knees, and lips twisted up and down, regrettably unsure of if the heart skipped a beat in the spirit of love or fear.

the bass came on, but it refused to keep up with the rhythm. the drums beat in time to the flapping of wings; doves, by the dozen, took off from the cold, murky water down below.

beauty: no longer a tangible thing, but rather something grown from the lack of sleep and an overactive imagination.

it had been so long - far too long. since it happened. since the night. since matty had lost his grip on the last bit of rope he had tying him to the earth.   
he deserved it, he was sure of that. he deserved to live with the air, as opposed to the lively insects down below.

there wasn't a hell. but there was a heaven. those were the two sentences matty had heard himself say a hundred times, because he needed to hear it, he needed to believe it.

everyone he loved was either dead or afraid.

a fish jumped in the water just a few metres from where matty sat. the moons quiet, dim light reflected on the metallic skin for a second, but in that second, a thousand hours had flitted through matty's head. wherever it was.

it hadn't been intentional. nothing ever was. but it had broken something in matty; his veins bent in all the wrong directions, his fingers spun in circles, and his brain - only god knew where it had gone.

what a retched sight it had been; preaching about how poisoning routine is. how hypocritical. how foul. the look of disgust on their faces, and how it simply reflected on matty.

but he'd fucked up. for the last time. he wasn't going to kill himself, that would be showing himself mercy. no, he'd do what scared him the most: live on. all alone.

"i'm still here, sweetheart. just - just not holding your hand anymore." she had said clearly, powerfully. but her eyes had faded, her lips had at last stopped straining to keep a cheerful, accepting tug up at the corners. and then her hands had slipped from his grip. there had been a sigh, matty thought. a heart, void of motion.

and then there had been that night. the one that finished his career.

the memory of the night had been preserved in matty's head. it was in pristine condition, for he hadn't dared lay a hand on it since he experienced it first hand.

the kiss hadn't been intentional, hadn't been planned. but it had happened. and george hated matty for it. he still does.

a kiss. the collision of skin upon skin, broadcasted to the entire world. and just as the beginning had began sounding faintly, the credits rolled.

the crowd had exploded. from miles away you could hear the cheering, the love, the acceptance. 

and then they all went home.

it was all syringes, bottles, lights, sounds. but the news had been turned on, and the death threats arrived. matty felt so cold. so alone.

adam had been the first to go. he wasn't easy to convince, but he also knew about the blow he'd take if he were to stay. then ross, john. and george. george.

he loathed matty for it all. the beautiful boy he found himself tangled up in all the time, that golden rush, the pink, the christmas lights, his everything. loathed him. just as he loathed himself.

matty stands up and sighs. the lake was so pretty once. now it looked grey.

heading back to his apartment, he feels nothing, utterly void of warmth, both inside and out. 

a robot, that's what he is. he unlocks his apartment door, throws his keys onto the living room table.

in the kitchen, waiting for matty stands george. the haunted night catches up with him at last.

matty starts crying. not the pretty kind, the ugly, retching, sobbing kind. the kind you hear through the walls when it storms outside.

it all fades to black and white and matty doesn't know what to do with himself, because it hurts, fuck, it really does, but then arms are enveloping him. and suddenly, he's not so cold anymore.

it feels like he never woke up. like he stayed sleeping, ever since that fateful day. ever since he was born.

matty had always assumed it was all just sex, lights, sounds and pretty colours. now, not so much. it seems to be more about hearts, mistakes and acceptance. and he hates himself for getting it all wrong, so twisted up.

but that's what matty was. a conglomeration of wrongs and rights and heartache for those lacking moral implications.

george draws away and does something that changes everything. his lips are on matty's. it's all blue, grey, yellow.

maybe matty could survive this, somehow.

maybe living wasn't worse than death.

maybe george was the only piece of heaven he needed.   
  
  


**this was depressing. i'm still listening to my depressing playlist i'm sorry i don't know what i'm doing**

**anyway**

**i hope you enjoyed this, and soon i'll be publishing an original book like starr and kier!!! so keep your eyes pealed open for that**

**i love you**

**i'm a sad mess**

**luka xxx**


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